FINDING YOUR INNER KITSCH: STUFF ON STICKS

BOTTLE TREES
Nov. 15, 2016: There are so many things when it comes to kitsch on sticks, I don't know where to begin. I'm thinking it'd be a book instead of a blog. But I've got to start somewhere and to me, there is no better place than the quintessential kitsch on a stick - the bottle tree.

Take a small dead tree, cut off the branches leaving 6-12" long stubs and jam bottles on those stubs and you've got a bottle tree. If you're handy with a welding torch you can make some fancy and realistic looking bottle trees with rebar. You can even buy premade or DIY kits for bottle trees. Colored glass wine bottles look best and it's also best to take the labels off. Otherwise people might mistake you for a drunk who can't recycle rather than the chic artist that you are.

I can't recall seeing a bottle tree in the Pacific Northwest but I have seen plenty in the Southeast. The bottle tree concept came to the Southeast with African slaves. I would often times see them at the rural homes of older African Americans in the South Carolina Lowcountry.

The bottle tree did not originate as a landscape design feature. It was employed as evil spirit defense. Evil spirits could be enticed into the colorful glass bottles (usually at night, when evil spirits are about) and then could not find their way out again. When the sun came up in the morning, it would then cook and kill the spirits, kind of like my yellowjacket trap on the porch. Cobalt blue bottles are reputed to be the best at catching spirits.

There is even an outdoor bottle tree museum located in the desert outside of Barstow, California called Bob's Bottle Tree Ranch. I've not been there, but it's on my bucket list. So when it comes to evil spirits in the garden, let's be frank - you got them, I got them, we all got them. What's it going to hurt to try a bottle tree. It'll be a great conversation piece plus save you all the embarrassment of sticking your recycle bin out on the curb filled to the brim with wine bottles.

PINK FLAMINGOS
At some point, when kitsch becomes camp is it still kitsch? Not in my opinion and nothing is more campier kitsch than pink flamingos. First produced in 1957 by Union Products it marked the beginning of plastic lawn ornaments. Back then, there was a certain utility behind the tackiness. In a time of Levittown like subdivisions where all the houses looked the same, you might just be able to differentiate your home from the neighbors by the pink flamingos in the yard particularly after the office Christmas party.

Like much lawn art, pink flamingos faded in popularity until Sears, the major vendor of them discontinued sales in 1971. But then, like a phoenix rising, they were rediscovered by the baby boomers as a symbol of non-conformist rebellion. Pink flamingos began sprouting back up again as statement of chic bad taste. Flamingos became campy birthday and wedding gifts. They began showing up in art museums and galleries. They showed up at campsites! Just go to any Airstream camper gathering and I guarantee you'll find an armada of flamingoes. There is even a fundraising company that will "flamingo flock" a lucky neighbor for your charity. Evidently friends can choose another friend and buy a flock of plastic flamingos that they will secretly, at night, festoon their friend's (the victim) lawn with and the victim must then pay a daily ransom until they are removed. It's called "flocking a friend".

Pink flamingos are not native to the Pacific Northwest nor should they be when it comes to lawn ornaments. When it comes to Pacific Northwest lawn ornaments you can't get much local than the Garden Yeti (Sasquatch). From 2' to a lifesize 6' tall this hand painted all-weather plastic lawn ornament starts at only $117 and is available from most Bigfoot product vendors. Nothing says Northwest kitsch and you can always paint it pink, if you've a mind to.

There is so much more garden stuff on sticks I'd loved to cover such as Granny Fannies, Curious Squirrel, and my personal favorite and creation Edvard Munch's The Scream on a stick (Special web price: $1199.00). I'll just have to save it for the book.
Edvard Munch's Scream-on-a-Stick, $1199.00 website specialEdvard Munch's Scream-on-a-Stick, $1199.00 website special

F & P